HARRY POTTER AND THE RETURN OF VOLDEMORT
by crazed girl
Summary: it is harry's fith year at hogwarts. but what he doesn't know is that voldemort has a daughter and another partner in crime... will harry find love or will he die?


Greetings! I am alyssa!!! I have stoped writing for the longest time because I have created a harry potter story all of my own!!! It is truly better than anything that I've written but it is damn sec-see... please r&r!!!  
  
HARRY POTTER AND THE RETURN OF VOLDEMORT (dun dun dun)  
  
It was another day at up yours drive when comic all of a sudden a boy appeared walking and reading his "yes, you can be a hoe too!". As he was walking the bright, hot, white sun kept beating sun rays upon the boy's body making him sweat. As he strolled through a fancy London park he releized that he was all alone so he stoped reading his comic and took out a mirror from his pocket. As he deeply stared into the mirror he said, "oh darling! What lovely green eyes you have! Come fudge me now, harry" (let me tell you, harry potter is a fine ass kid. Oh my lord... he is sooo sec-see... sorry about that, back to the story) harry kept his brightly emerald green eyes focused upon his mirror as he repeated once more, "fudge me harry, do it to me one more time let me touch your sec-see chest! Yes! You are sex god harry potter!!!" as harry said that Pamela Anderson came from behind him and gently tapped his sholder. "hi... I just want to know..." Pamela said in a sec-see way. "yes?" harry said as he turned around his facing blushing uncontrollably. "well... I really wanted to know..." Pamela was now gently caressing his chest. "YEAH?" harry seemed to get harder with every word she spoke. 'come on... say it Pamela, say that you want me bad.... Fudge me right in the middle of the street. "would you like to join my "save the animals from death" foundation?" she said as she smiled a childish smile. "no..." harry's response was low and cold. As he took out his mirror once more he lifted the mirror in front of his face and said, "oh, harry... you suck! But... YOU'RE STILL SEC-SEE!!!" Pamela then got in her limo and rode away home because she was scared. (tell me that you wouldn't do the same also? If you saw harry potter in the middle of London and you saw him talking to his mirror what would you do? Leave, exactly... well I wouldn't because he is fine....) "I am always alone... I wish that I could have a friend to talk to..." as he looked at his mirror he gave it a hug and said "you are still my friend shiny!!!" kisses mirror  
  
000000OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
  
hp(harry potter): walks home and sees his aunt & uncle at the kitchen table:   
  
aunt petunia: dear god harry!!! Take that look off your face! It looks as if you have just jacked off or something!  
  
Uncle Vernon: leave the stupid boy alone shnooky.  
  
Hp: shocked 'shnooky'?  
  
Vernon: just shut up you turd.  
  
Hp: whispered damn, if you're pissed now wait till you find out that I ate all our twinkies. Laughs at the thought of his uncle yell in pain like what happened last time flashback  
  
Vernon: ah! My heart! Petunia get the twinkies! Must... get... the.... Cream- filling... "hostess"   
  
Hp: too late... Dudley ate them.  
  
Vernon: don't lie boy! You ate them!  
  
Hp: if I did eat them I would finally gain weight, ya fat turd! Your son has officially gained 10 more pounds.  
  
Petunia: is it even possible to get any fatter than that? Oh well... I shall call the world of records!   
  
Vernon: owl hits him across the head damn you owls! Why me damnit? Why me? Is it cause I'm fat-  
  
Everyone: shakes head  
  
Vernon: sweatdrop stop that!!!  
  
Hp: well, you are pretty fat...  
  
Vernon: no I am not!!!  
  
Petunia: honey we can never make love anymore! Remember the good times we had?  
  
Hp & Dudley: good lord!!!!  
  
Flashback ends  
  
Vernon: what are you snickering on about BOY?  
  
Hp: nothing uncle Vernon whispers nothing yet...  
  
Vernon: ok BOY, go to your room... leave us alone.  
  
Hp: fine, I'll leave... when uncle Vernon turns around harry flicks him off and moons him before he leaves  
  
Harry goes to his room and sits next to his owl. As he stared at the ceiling praying to get out of this place to return to hogwarts he decided to eat his favorite candy "bernie bots: every flavor beans" as he stuck the candy in his mouth he can almost hear dumbledor's faint words "mmm... alas! Earwax" he took out his mirror out once more and looked at it once more. "shiny, I feel so alone! Come hump me!" he shouted at the mirror.  
  
Mirror: (in harry's voice) I love you!  
  
Hp: I love you too, shiny!!!  
  
Just then harry heard his name being called from out side his window. "harry potter!!!" she cried. "uh, do I know you?!" harry looks soooo hot when he's all confused like that... "no... but I do know you! "are you going to hogwarts next year?" harry was afraid at first and shocked at the same time. "what- what are you talking about?" harry tried to look at the hooded figure but it was simply too dark outside. "wait I must tell you upclose, may I come up?" "NO! YOU'LL GET CAUGHT!" harry was afraid to let her in because, after all his uncle and aunt were downstairs. "that's okay" she replied "I'll be quiet..." as harry raced towards the door he heard a loud snapping sound from behind him, his wand and mirror out pointing at the hooded person "I shall protect you shiny!!!!!!" harry's words seemed to echo. His wand was focused where the person's heart is. "don't worry, I am here to protect you." The voice was relaxed and calm as the person took off their coat. Harry's eyes widened with surprise. A girl around harry's age with straight black hair, honey eyes, just astonishingly beautiful. "uh, hi?" harry responded to her bright warming smile. His temptation was boiling once more. 'shit' he thought 'i'm becoming aroused!!! Noooo!!' "nice uh, place you got here harry..." she said as she as she turned around.  
  
Hp: thanks, what's your name?  
  
Girl: I'm brooke.  
  
Hp: thinking perverted thoughts uh, cool name. Boner alert  
  
Brooke: I need to get you away from here... we have to go to the burrow harry...  
  
Hp: for what? penis: like a rock...  
  
Brooke: can't say... it's private.  
  
Hp: is it fun? Breathing harded from his er, excitement  
  
Brooke: that's oky potter... like I said before, you need to go to the burrow and spend the rest of the summer with the weasly's  
  
Hp: are you going also?  
  
Brooke: yeah... so what are you?  
  
Hp: well, I do have a penis so I'm a guy... Brooke: blushing no ahem what house are you?  
  
Hp: gryfindor, I am 15.  
  
Brooke: I'm a slitherin... I'm also 15...  
  
Hp: thinks about what happened between draco and him AHHHHHHHH! DRACO!!  
  
Brooke: what about draco?  
  
Hp: wait... you know him?  
  
Brooke: yeah he is quite the gentlman if I do say so myself.  
  
Hp: what's so special about him?  
  
Brooke: I like his personality and his voice.  
  
Hp: trying to maintain his anger r-really?  
  
Brooke: blushes yeah I hate when he is mean to other people... he is so sweet to me and his friends.  
  
Harry was relieved even though brooke and him might not become the best of friends... but maybe girlfriend and boyfriend. 'no' he thought once more. 'I don't really like her anymore! She is too.... BEAUTIFUL!!! gasps in his mind no, come on harry! Don't lose focus now... I don't like brooke, I don't like brooke, I don't like brooke, I like brooke- I mean books! You're doing great harry! Ah, what's the use? I like her there is no possible way f denying this'  
  
Brooke: harry?  
  
Hp: snaps out of day dream yeah?  
  
Brooke got her hand and placed it on his.  
  
Brooke: I just want to know...  
  
'come on! Not another "save the animals foundation" thing again' he thought...  
  
brooke: are you a virgin:  
  
right then and there when he thought he got brooke out of his mind, she throws this question back in his face.  
  
Hp: um, why do you ask? Brooke: I just wanted to ask, that's all... you don't have to answer if you don't want to...  
  
Hp: uh, well...  
  
Harry thinks about lying to brooke about his virginity and decides that the truth is always better, but embarresing...  
  
Hp: looks at the floor yes... and you? 


End file.
